so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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