next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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