a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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