Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
