Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
