We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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