Little spoons don't ask big questions
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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