weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
