Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
