im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
