I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
40s are totally the cure
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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