sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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