I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
