Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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