You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
