This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
