Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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