who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
