There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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