I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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