If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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