the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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