a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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