My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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