All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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