It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
