yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I look better un-naked...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Randomize
