Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
