woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize