$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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