the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
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