if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
