I could have mohawked her pubes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
