our cab driver is having phone sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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