New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
