even my farts smell like vagina
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
