So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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