So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
