his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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