it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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