Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
