Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
