oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
