she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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