I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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