So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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