he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
