The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
