he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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