Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
