Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
