can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
