i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
