I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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