For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
