I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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