Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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