i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have post one night stand depression
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
