How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
