Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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