All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
