dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Even my vagina gasped.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
