I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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