if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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