drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
