Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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