I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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