the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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