i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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